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Boats: Are They Just Water Cars?

An explanation as to how boats can be considered mammals

Two+%22legal%22+adults+ponder+how+the+creature+in+front+of+them+is+not+only+a+car%2C+but+a+mammal.
Two

Two "legal" adults ponder how the creature in front of them is not only a car, but a mammal.

Photo by Tom Hermanek

Photo by Tom Hermanek

Two "legal" adults ponder how the creature in front of them is not only a car, but a mammal.

Sam Wiegand, Sports Editor

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Using the correct logic, anyone can prove anything. This is evident if you ever listen to unintelligent people talk about, well, anything. I decided for my final article as a member of the Skutt Catholic Flightline staff, I wanted to prove this. So, I am going to prove how a boat is not only a water car, but should also be considered a mammal.

Sitting on top of a Ferris wheel in Seattle, I breathed one of my most famous quotes. I looked out over the water and I saw a boat. Unfortunately my mouth spoke before my mind could process. “Guys, boats are just water cars,” I said. On the surface this sounds incredibly dumb, but truth be told, it’s genius. Let’s dive deeper into this statement.

The definition of a boat is a small vessel propelled on water by oars, sails, or an engine. The definition of a car is a road vehicle, typically with four wheels, powered by an internal combustion engine and able to carry a small number of people. Based purely on definition it’s very obvious that boats are cars are different, but we must dig even deeper to prove this a fallacy.

The main purpose of a car is to transport you from one place to another place much quicker than walking. The purpose of a boat is to transport you from one place to another place much faster than swimming. Based on this parallel the image of the boat-water car is becoming less hazy. This isn’t the smoking gun though.

The idea that proves boats are water cars is this; boats move across the water using their propellers to push the water, and cars use the spin of the wheels to push the ground. In all physical purposes they are accomplishing the same task.

Now that it’s known boats are water cars, here’s the tricky one: boats can be considered mammals. The definition of a mammal is a warm-blooded vertebrate animal of a class that is distinguished by the possession of hair or fur, the secretion of milk by females for the nourishment of the young, and (typically) the birth of live young. So again, this on the surface by basic definition there is no chance that this could be true, wrong!

Going inside a boat, the engine is actually quite warm and the oil it uses is theoretically its blood. The hull of the boat can for sure be considered the vertebrae. This leads to the problem of hair or fur, except when considering the majority of fishing boats have some form of netting around the hull. Thus the boat is a warm blooded vertebrae with hair.

The hardest selling point is the idea of offspring, with milk. Most boats have the chance to secrete oil out of its hull. As for the offspring, boats have not only life preservers, but lifeboats that are literally offspring of the large boat. This fulfills the requirements to considered a mammal.

Well that’s it, I did the impossible. I used my last article to prove a boat is considered a mammal, this was my magnum opus.

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Student News of Skutt Catholic High School
Boats: Are They Just Water Cars?